I hate 4-wheelers

Hate 'em, hate 'em, hate 'em.

And here's why...

I saw my life flash before my eyes this week...

Because no one except a rodeo clown should ever have this view of bovine inner nostrils and, (what is that?), bovine nasal drip??? Hmmm. Again - normal folks should just not have to have this vision, I tell you! (But since I did, you have to too.)

Yep - give me my horse any day. He moves. He spins... (which is a totally unheard-of concept when it comes to 4-wheelers unless you want to tear your shoulder out and tip the thing over in the process). He has a brain that says, 'I am bigger than this cow and I will NOT let her plow me over. Plus, you don't feel like you're sitting on the ground, looking up into cow nostrils. Ugh.

Yeah, this old girl decided that it wasn't important that Andy Ray had her calf in a death grip on the back of the 4-wheeler. Oh no, she's way too smart for that. She decided the solution to getting her calf back on the ground where he belonged was to ram the 4-wheeler from the FRONT, slow me down, knock us off, then run us over and reclaim her little one. Here she is, huffing at me... you can even see the snort. Woo-hoo, never a dull moment on the Snelling Ranch.

Here's me on Monday - the day I got my port placed and my biopsy done. I have no idea what drug they gave me, but I'm going to avoid it at all costs in the future. I was wiped. Out. My brain was so fogged over I couldn't process the simplest thing, the "down" valve into my stomach wasn't working but unfortunately the "up" one worked overly well. Ugh. I couldn't open both eyes at the same time - just had to sort of trade off in order to pretend I was listening to people. I still can't believe the nurse thought I was paying attention to her discharge instructions. I wasn't even in the same room. :)

As far as chemo doses - sounds like my Casper doc is hoping to get my first dose by Monday. NOT what we had in mind when they said 'get started soon', but we'll take what we can get I guess. Maybe we should move to Denver....

And here's another irresistable pet moment to make you smile. I am taking everyone seriously about making a pet calendar - what a grand idea. The homemade ones are a touch cheesy, so I'm working at finding a good company that doesn't charge an arm and a leg to make them. Maybe ya'll can have some 2009 calendars from Snelling Ranch if you're interested in them. I'll keep you posted. Last time it was Tommy and Sam - here it's Louis and Sage taking a snooze...

Th Ol' Switcheroo

So we go to Denver quaking in our boots, wondering what on earth they will have to add to the current retinue of bad news.... and we come home saying, "well it was more bad news, sure, but they tossed in some pretty good news along with it".

... let me interrupt here and say how much we've enjoyed all the comments and encouragement. I could sit there in those doctor's offices and feel the pressure of many hands and hearts. Thank you. So much.

Now this isn't absolute, unequivocal or irreversible, but for now this is what we brought home: They are VERY sure I have a separate breast cancer. In addition to ovarian. And it's spreading to other organs. Yeah. ... Isn't that thrilling? :{
.............................

But that's the bad news portion. These doctors, believe it or not, are so excited about it that it rubbed off on us. The ovarian might be under better control than we first thought and it's now the breast cancer that's robbing me of health and to them that's superb news. These doctors are top-of-the-line, nationally-known breast cancer surgeons and researchers and they TREAT breast cancer, they don't just toss drugs at it and hope, which is what others are doing. (Or ignore me, afraid I'll ask what my prognosis is, or shake their heads and tell me not to bother, which was happening here.)

These Denver fellows were very careful not to lambaste my small-town docs, but they were also pretty clear that I needed different and better care and better quality scans to see what really is going on. For the first time since my cancer came back in May, we heard docs talking about the possibility of a few more years of good life; saying words like, "once we get you into a nice remission..." . You have no idea what those words feel like to us. It is indescribable. I was thinking this would likely be my last January, my last Spring to see colts born... and now that may change. So, most importantly, I must not lose that priceless lesson of the brevity of this life, but learn from it and go on with a little bit more lighthearted cheerfulness.

So ... the docs are writing their recommendations as we speak, I will get another permanent IV line placed on Monday and start chemo again SOON. But no surgery for now. Apparently the chemo should shrink the tumor first, plus there's no waiting for the surgery site to heal before starting the cancer-killing drugs. Surgery is still important, but it's not wise to do it now apparently. Thank goodness I didn't get that mastectomy done here last week!!!! They'd have opened me up, probably worsened things and I'd have had an even worse prognosis.
I'm rambling. Sorry. Anyway it's chemo now and they will, and I quote, "knock me for a loop, but knock the cancer for a loop too". So I'm preparing for baldness again, checking out some fun hats and wigs, planning for some down-and-out chemo days, but we'll think positive and hope for the best. Thanks all, for your parts in that, and please keep it up. Oh and Jeanie P - I am so glad to see the comment thing worked for you this time. Learn something new every day, eh? :)

We got to move our cows here today! We've been trying to calve out a neighbor's calves and it was getting to be a pain in the hind-end, running over there 10 times a day. So, the following photos are for Justin and Monte since they were asking if there were some easier and better ways to move cows. We've got it down pat boys, so pay close attention:
(hee hee hee and a wicked grin) ; }
1st of all, Andy Ray, driving ... (sort of. Hanging out the door, standing up, looking the wrong direction, and yes Jen, on the wrong side of the road ...is that driving?)

Then Michelle working very hard because these cows were just crazy, jumping fences right and left, as you can see in the photo:

Teaching the old girls about fast food. You gotta move if you're going to get anything:

Come on girls, don't be so shy. Climb right up on this trailer with me:

...sorry guys, just testing your sense of humor. What actually happened is, this neighbor we're calving for is new-fangled and prefers hay-trailers and 4-wheelers, so we snapped a few shots of our easy day. It was almost a laugh.

And here's another fun pet one just because they keep doing cute things and I can't resist them. Never in all my days have I seen cats and dogs who get along like ours do. They love each other. Really, they do. They groom each other, seek each other out for naps, play together, purr together .... it's crazy.

To Echo Charlie Brown... "Good Grief."

.... my cancer's being a problem again. I have developed a very large tumor in my right breast and have to have a mastectomy sometime in the very near future. I am scheduled to see 3 Denver docs on the 23rd and hopefully it'll be surgery very soon after that. I'd prefer not to wait too much longer, seeing as how I need to get it taken out and then start chemo again as soon as possible.

So that's the latest and the... uh... not-so-greatest. I'm sorry for the discouraging news I'm always sharing, but we'll keep hoping that one of these days I'll get my turn at good news and you all can join in the cheers with me. Keep your fingers crossed, everyone, but don't worry about us. We really, really are doing well, in spite of all this.

In other breaking news... the barn is getting amazing. I have to take some photos to post and will do that soon. In fact, check back tomorrow as I'm hoping to take some then. [Okay, 'tomorrow' has become today and I wasn't able to snap any... we got snow and it's covering up the lovely roof, so photos will have to be postponed. But do check back soon.]
I do have a couple cute ones to share. Here's Clark naively believing that all the rumors about roast cat are false:

Here are Emma and Silverstar posing for their glamour shot:

And here's Gus (on the left) with a buddy who wishes he was as handsome as Gus, but just can't pull it off. (I'm not prejudiced toward Gus, really I'm not! How rude of you to suggest such a thing!)

Lastly, my computer was sent to a data recovery place in Colorado and they called yesterday to say they salvaged my files!!! We won't mention the pricetag... but at least I don't have to go buy a whole new computer and start over. That's worth a whale of a lot, in my opinion.

2008 already

I'm chuckling away to myself, remembering my post from a few months ago when I described using our outhouse. It's gotten much the worse for wear in the last few months, now more open to the elements than ever, so now you really use it at the expense of your pride. Well, our septic tank froze up, so we're all making the long trek out back with disturbing regularity. This morning, there I was, comfortably (read this term very loosely) ensconced in our little outside necessary and the horse in the pen next to me leans in to say hi, two cats came wandering in, purring loudly, tracking muddy pawprints all over my exposed lap, a dog reaches in with his paw to tap me on the back and I laughed out loud thinking I was simply going to have to fill you all in on this hilarity. Brent and Monte were both here during this thrilling time (read: no showers, no toilets, no water down a drain at all!) ... good thing we have very adventurous guests.

On the brighter side - Check out the amazing progress on our barn! This first photo faces north, the large door is the horse/equipment door, the smaller windows and door are for the cabin area:

This next photo faces south through those same windows as above. This photo is taken from the cabin area. There will be a living/dining area, kitchen, bed and bath. The bathroom will be a kind of utility bath that we can store horse supplies, wash horse blankets and etc, so it will have an entrance from inside the barn, approximately where I'm standing to take the photo.

This next one is still facing south, just taken from the other side of the barn, still facing out the cabin windows. Those "wings" on either side with lower roofs (well you only see one in this photo, but you get the idea) will be the stalls. 6 individual stalls on one side and just an open-front protected shed on the other because our horse aren't used to being stalled. That way they can all gather under some shelter without having to be locked up in a stall. Plus it houses a LOT more horses than just 6 more stalls would do.

Thanks again, all of you who check in on our progress. Life stays about the same health-wise.... I'm awaiting some more test results which will determine what we do from here. As soon as I know what they are I'll share it with you. I've been on a little bit of a break from chemo (with doctor's permission) and enjoying it immensely, but that will change soon, I'm sure. It's SO cold here that I'm not looking forward one bit to losing my hair again, but I may have to whether I want to or not. Bummer!

My computer is still not repaired, so I don't have any fun or lovely pictures to share this time. Hopefully that'll change soon.

Thanks for all the commenting. Can't tell you how wonderful it was to read notes from all of you - it is incredibly encouraging and believe me, some days I need it!