We've Moved!
And of course since my links aren't working you'll have to copy or type this into your address bar the first time. Sorry for all this inconvenience, but please come see us there soon!
A Mid-April's Eve
From 110, my CA-125 came down to 26, so that chemo is still at work. I got dosed again last Thursday, had a puny weekend, but am getting ready to take on the world again now. Should have someone take photos of me during the puny days... that'd dump a dose of reality on your head you'd likely not soon forget. The house gets messier by the minute, the bed never gets made, I barely brush my teeth or comb my hair. Oh wait! I don't have hair. I should say, I don't wear my wig or cute hats, or even try to look decent. Whew. It ain't pretty. Sympathy cards can be sent to Andy at our home address.
Here are some of our home moments recently that have made me smile...
Don't die of shock!! :)
Yes, I'm feeling quite smitten because I have had a great number of you send me emails saying, in short, "UPDATE YOUR BLOG!" It certainly is high time. And to answer all of you, yes my lack of updates is due to the fact that I feel really, really good. I've been working, both inside and out, ... riding horses so much that the original soreness has worn off and now it feels perfectly comfortable... been having company and potlucks... enjoying Dean and Dustin's company... and just generally living a grand old normal life. Those of you who feel you have this normal, "boring" life all the time, don't take it for granted. It's pretty cool. Remember my last post?? We were all wanting less drama. This month I've gotten that wish.
Chemo's next week, so [*huge sigh*] this spiffiness is relatively short-lived. BUT... The after-chemo puniness (Andy would probably call it "after-chemo whinyness" if I'd let him) is usually short-lived too, so that's the best part.
My CA-125 was down to 110 at the last check. That is an incredible drop from the last one which was well over a thousand. So chemo's doing its thing again, which is incredibly reassuring.
Here we are, grilling our first steaks of the season, and a good shot of Andy trying to stab me with a fork.... or so it appears. I don't think Ty looks like he'd defend me, do you? He has more of a "well-this-could-be-messy-but-interesting" look to him.
Here's Popsicle and I... and a good shot of my short blonde "California" wig, as Andy calls it:
This next one is facing toward where the cabin is going to be. You can see the platform for its floor and the doors and windows. To the left, outside the indoor barn area, under the east wing, is the open-front shed. Our cows and calves have made good use of that area the last few months. It's been a wonderful spot and glad we planned it that way.
For Tiff's birthday we created a potting shed for her out of this old shed Andy built years ago. Here it's getting relocated to a more useful spot:
And I can't resist adding Popsicle and her latest video. She keeps us smiling. I swear, no matter what kind of a mood you're in, when you see this little thing running at you or bumping you from behind when she's hungry, you just can't help but giggle. She's been a joy. If you don't laugh out loud at this video, it's proof you are having a bad day. :)
The Daze of our Lives
Once again, we've proven it's impossible to have dull moments around here. I get chemo... I laze and sleep and moan around because I'm puny and useless. Then I catch a cold and it gets worse and worse so I continue my moping around. Then I start coughing and stop breathing. Almost. I'm home alone, sitting on my bed, pulling in air through what feels like a pinprick hole in my throat, determined not to panic - someone will come, someone will come, someone will come... After 15 minutes or so, Andy's shadow darkens the doorway, I burst into tears, whisper, "take me to the ER".
Of course the poor man nearly falls apart, his knees literally buckle as he hears his nurse-wife actually asking to go to the ER when I have not once before let him take me. (Those places are for sick folks, y'know. Stay away at all costs.) But because he's made up of the same stuff as Superman, he calls outside to have Tiffany bring the truck around, picks me up and starts running. He somehow grabs the right insurance information, opens doors, gets me in the truck and down the highway, speeding past drivers who have less purpose, and lands us safely at our little hometown emergency room where thankfully they know how to open up airways.
(***everyone take a deep breath here. Think about how awesome it is. It's priceless - don't try to tell me it isn't***)
After a series of treatments (for some reason my throat did not want to stay well-and-truly open until about 18 hours later) I'm shaky and miserable from all the adrenaline they give, but I'm breathing. And proud of it. So that was Saturday, this is Tuesday and after 3 days in the ICU I am home!!! No one is really sure what happened, although 2 of the doctors think I had a severe reaction to some rubitussin I took Saturday morning. Others feel I had a "viral" reaction which affected the tissues in my throat. Personally, I agree with the viral reaction scenario because I had a temp of 104.5 when I arrived at the ER and allergic reactions don't do that. But all I really know is that I reacted to something and I'd prefer not to do it again.
I'm writing too much. I must wind this down or I shall lose my captive audience. So I'm sleep-deprived, still coughing and congested, and suffering from ICU psychosis, but all's well that ends well, as they say. Unfortunately my cancer probably survived the episode too, but if it didn't I'll be sure to let you know. :)
Lots of pictures of life at home
Sanity and Happiness??
For those of you who may have been wondering why I have such an odd title to my blog... Mark Twain once said "Sanity and happiness are an impossible combination". I found that to be both amusing and enlightening. Consider that. .....One cannot be happy unless one is insane. That cracks me up. So therefore I found I simply had to post my statement to the late, great Samuel Clemens that there is, out there somewhere, a family who is both sane AND happy, as impossible as that may be to believe. :)
On to business matters. Thanks to all of you who sent emails for calendars. This has been a ball getting all these notes! They are done on my end, I just wasn't able to get to town to price them until recently where I found out they're pretty spendy to make here. But all is not lost, we're still pressing on and I ordered from an online company. They aren't perfect - - they don't have my comments or the beautiful borders and matching calendar pages I painstakingly added on my original, but they should be just fine. It'll come to $22.00 apiece to help me with shipping them out to you folks. I shall send emails to each of you, giving you our address and you can mail checks anytime. Then I shall need your addresses, of course, so if you could email that info back asap (if you haven't already, of course), that would be splendid. They shouldn't take long to make, so hopefully you all with have them by March 1st. Keep your fingers crossed!
Now for a cancer note. Do you remember those doctors in Denver saying they were sure I had a separate kind of cancer and they wanted to send samples of all my tumors, from first diagnosis till now, on to a famous research place for study? Well we did all that and this is their report: They cannot tell me whether or not I have breast cancer or ovarian cancer, but it is all the same. So what does that mean? It could all be ovarian, metastasized to the breast, which would be bad news as it's very rare and very hard to work with.
OR... [drum roll please]... it could have been breast to begin with that metastasized to the ovary and grew faster there, so it's the first thing they saw. They never even considered looking for breast cancer at the beginning, but those Denver doctors feel my cancer acts and looks much, MUCH more like breast than ovarian. Plus my risk factors place me in a far more likely group to get breast cancer, NOT ovarian. Such weirdness!!!
It doesn't really change anything at this point - we just need to be sure my chemo is good for both (which it is) and keep watching numbers and CT scans (which we will). My first chemo went well a week ago - - knocked me flat for a couple days (see the picture of me after surgery 2 posts ago for a visual), but I'm up and going now. Slowly, I must admit, but at least I'm moving.
It's been cold here again, so I've posted a few photos for you to "feel". Especially those of you in warmer climates... you can look on in envy at our beautiful winters. :)
I'm here
I'm keeping "active" working on calendars and note cards. What I think I may do is print out a March 08-March 09 calendar. That way we don't all have to wait until 2009 - that's way too far away. So here's the scoop: if you'd like me to add you to my order, could you email me please? Keep in mind though, I'm having to charge at least $20 for them, which is a ridiculous price I admit, but they're more expensive to make than I'd planned. And if I don't charge, then I end up being an even bigger drain on income than I already am.
SO, let me re-phrase this .... if you're crazy, and want to spend a lot on a calendar, go ahead and email me. :) Our 'work' email is: andyandmichelle@snellingranch.com. Keep using our personal email for notes and such, I just didn't want to post it on the web for all sorts of spammers and scammers to find.
I hate 4-wheelers
Hate 'em, hate 'em, hate 'em.
And here's why...
I saw my life flash before my eyes this week...
Here's me on Monday - the day I got my port placed and my biopsy done. I have no idea what drug they gave me, but I'm going to avoid it at all costs in the future. I was wiped. Out. My brain was so fogged over I couldn't process the simplest thing, the "down" valve into my stomach wasn't working but unfortunately the "up" one worked overly well. Ugh. I couldn't open both eyes at the same time - just had to sort of trade off in order to pretend I was listening to people. I still can't believe the nurse thought I was paying attention to her discharge instructions. I wasn't even in the same room. :)
As far as chemo doses - sounds like my Casper doc is hoping to get my first dose by Monday. NOT what we had in mind when they said 'get started soon', but we'll take what we can get I guess. Maybe we should move to Denver....
And here's another irresistable pet moment to make you smile. I am taking everyone seriously about making a pet calendar - what a grand idea. The homemade ones are a touch cheesy, so I'm working at finding a good company that doesn't charge an arm and a leg to make them. Maybe ya'll can have some 2009 calendars from Snelling Ranch if you're interested in them. I'll keep you posted. Last time it was Tommy and Sam - here it's Louis and Sage taking a snooze...
Th Ol' Switcheroo
... let me interrupt here and say how much we've enjoyed all the comments and encouragement. I could sit there in those doctor's offices and feel the pressure of many hands and hearts. Thank you. So much.
Now this isn't absolute, unequivocal or irreversible, but for now this is what we brought home: They are VERY sure I have a separate breast cancer. In addition to ovarian. And it's spreading to other organs. Yeah. ... Isn't that thrilling? :{
.............................
But that's the bad news portion. These doctors, believe it or not, are so excited about it that it rubbed off on us. The ovarian might be under better control than we first thought and it's now the breast cancer that's robbing me of health and to them that's superb news. These doctors are top-of-the-line, nationally-known breast cancer surgeons and researchers and they TREAT breast cancer, they don't just toss drugs at it and hope, which is what others are doing. (Or ignore me, afraid I'll ask what my prognosis is, or shake their heads and tell me not to bother, which was happening here.)
These Denver fellows were very careful not to lambaste my small-town docs, but they were also pretty clear that I needed different and better care and better quality scans to see what really is going on. For the first time since my cancer came back in May, we heard docs talking about the possibility of a few more years of good life; saying words like, "once we get you into a nice remission..." . You have no idea what those words feel like to us. It is indescribable. I was thinking this would likely be my last January, my last Spring to see colts born... and now that may change. So, most importantly, I must not lose that priceless lesson of the brevity of this life, but learn from it and go on with a little bit more lighthearted cheerfulness.
So ... the docs are writing their recommendations as we speak, I will get another permanent IV line placed on Monday and start chemo again SOON. But no surgery for now. Apparently the chemo should shrink the tumor first, plus there's no waiting for the surgery site to heal before starting the cancer-killing drugs. Surgery is still important, but it's not wise to do it now apparently. Thank goodness I didn't get that mastectomy done here last week!!!! They'd have opened me up, probably worsened things and I'd have had an even worse prognosis.
I'm rambling. Sorry. Anyway it's chemo now and they will, and I quote, "knock me for a loop, but knock the cancer for a loop too". So I'm preparing for baldness again, checking out some fun hats and wigs, planning for some down-and-out chemo days, but we'll think positive and hope for the best. Thanks all, for your parts in that, and please keep it up. Oh and Jeanie P - I am so glad to see the comment thing worked for you this time. Learn something new every day, eh? :)
We got to move our cows here today! We've been trying to calve out a neighbor's calves and it was getting to be a pain in the hind-end, running over there 10 times a day. So, the following photos are for Justin and Monte since they were asking if there were some easier and better ways to move cows. We've got it down pat boys, so pay close attention:
(hee hee hee and a wicked grin) ; }
1st of all, Andy Ray, driving ... (sort of. Hanging out the door, standing up, looking the wrong direction, and yes Jen, on the wrong side of the road ...is that driving?)
Then Michelle working very hard because these cows were just crazy, jumping fences right and left, as you can see in the photo:
Teaching the old girls about fast food. You gotta move if you're going to get anything:
Come on girls, don't be so shy. Climb right up on this trailer with me:
...sorry guys, just testing your sense of humor. What actually happened is, this neighbor we're calving for is new-fangled and prefers hay-trailers and 4-wheelers, so we snapped a few shots of our easy day. It was almost a laugh.
And here's another fun pet one just because they keep doing cute things and I can't resist them. Never in all my days have I seen cats and dogs who get along like ours do. They love each other. Really, they do. They groom each other, seek each other out for naps, play together, purr together .... it's crazy.
To Echo Charlie Brown... "Good Grief."
So that's the latest and the... uh... not-so-greatest. I'm sorry for the discouraging news I'm always sharing, but we'll keep hoping that one of these days I'll get my turn at good news and you all can join in the cheers with me. Keep your fingers crossed, everyone, but don't worry about us. We really, really are doing well, in spite of all this.
In other breaking news... the barn is getting amazing. I have to take some photos to post and will do that soon. In fact, check back tomorrow as I'm hoping to take some then. [Okay, 'tomorrow' has become today and I wasn't able to snap any... we got snow and it's covering up the lovely roof, so photos will have to be postponed. But do check back soon.]
I do have a couple cute ones to share. Here's Clark naively believing that all the rumors about roast cat are false:
Here are Emma and Silverstar posing for their glamour shot:
And here's Gus (on the left) with a buddy who wishes he was as handsome as Gus, but just can't pull it off. (I'm not prejudiced toward Gus, really I'm not! How rude of you to suggest such a thing!)
Lastly, my computer was sent to a data recovery place in Colorado and they called yesterday to say they salvaged my files!!! We won't mention the pricetag... but at least I don't have to go buy a whole new computer and start over. That's worth a whale of a lot, in my opinion.2008 already
On the brighter side - Check out the amazing progress on our barn! This first photo faces north, the large door is the horse/equipment door, the smaller windows and door are for the cabin area:
This next photo faces south through those same windows as above. This photo is taken from the cabin area. There will be a living/dining area, kitchen, bed and bath. The bathroom will be a kind of utility bath that we can store horse supplies, wash horse blankets and etc, so it will have an entrance from inside the barn, approximately where I'm standing to take the photo.
This next one is still facing south, just taken from the other side of the barn, still facing out the cabin windows. Those "wings" on either side with lower roofs (well you only see one in this photo, but you get the idea) will be the stalls. 6 individual stalls on one side and just an open-front protected shed on the other because our horse aren't used to being stalled. That way they can all gather under some shelter without having to be locked up in a stall. Plus it houses a LOT more horses than just 6 more stalls would do.
Thanks again, all of you who check in on our progress. Life stays about the same health-wise.... I'm awaiting some more test results which will determine what we do from here. As soon as I know what they are I'll share it with you. I've been on a little bit of a break from chemo (with doctor's permission) and enjoying it immensely, but that will change soon, I'm sure. It's SO cold here that I'm not looking forward one bit to losing my hair again, but I may have to whether I want to or not. Bummer!My computer is still not repaired, so I don't have any fun or lovely pictures to share this time. Hopefully that'll change soon.
Thanks for all the commenting. Can't tell you how wonderful it was to read notes from all of you - it is incredibly encouraging and believe me, some days I need it!